“Be” instead of Do

I love this idea. It keeps coming up in different areas of my life. I’ve had the reminder (again) that the only person I can change is myself. Not my husband, not my children, not my mother. And sure enough, when I take responsibility for my life, my time, my words and my priorities, life seems more peaceful. It’s always a heated mess when I start focusing on what everyone else is or isn’t doing!

The natural result of worrying less about others and more about yourself is that people start to treat you differently. I mean this is the idea around boundaries isn’t it? Take responsibility; be in charge of you and others will naturally start changing how they treat you.

The other side occurs when I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing well. This is when guilt comes in the door. When guilt comes in all my perceived flaws start blowing in with it. Then I start doing things to try and make myself less guilty. Being driven out of guilt makes us do things that don’t line up with our priorities or desires. At least for me it’s true! And I don’t mean we never do something selfless, or sacrificial, but being driven out of guilt is where bitterness and resentment come in. Guilt drives us to do things based on the perceptions of what others want us to do and not by the reality of our heart.

No matter the relationship, we need to perfect the art of “being” instead of “doing”. On the Psychology Today website, there is an article called, “Emotional Fitness” by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. and he shares his Top 10 “Be’s” of a Successful Relationship. Read the list, then read the full article and have fun “Being” in your relationship today!

1.       Be Best Friends.
2.       Be able to laugh at yourselves.
3.       Be open to new ideas and experiences.
4.       Be willing to be willing.
5.       Be kind.
6.       Be able to give all of your attention.
7.       Be demonstrative.
8.       Be trustworthy.
9.       Be available.
10.   Be proactive.

Dr. Goldsmith says, “Couples in successful relationships have some things in common. Much of the time it’s not about what they do or don’t do, it’s about who they are as people and how they behave with each other.” Today I am going to strive to “be” me!

If you’d like to read the entire article, click the following link: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201106/dr-bartons-top-10-bes-successful-relationship

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